Emotions Kept Hidden
by BrokenXFacade
Summary: Kaoru has always had feelings for Hikaru and Hikaru loves Haruhi. Suffering the pain of knowing this,he's being pushed closer to the edge. And well, everyone has a breaking point. Warning: Mild swearing, ooc'ness, angst, and yes, Twincest


**Summary: Kaoru has always had feelings for Hikaru. But knowing Hikaru loves Haruhi, he has always kept his emotions to himself. But suffering through the hurt of seeing the one he loves with another has just been pushing him as far as he can take it. And well, everyone has a breaking point. (Warning: Mild swearing and OOC'ness, fluff, angst and yes, Twincest.) **

**Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own Ouran High School Host Club. If I did, do you think I would be writing this? No, I would have already had this happen. So yeah, anyway, Ouran does belong to the amazing mind of Bisco Hatori.**

**Warning: Mild swearing, fluff, A little OOC'ness, angst, and most definitely Twincest. **

**Dedication: Yes, I am dedicating my first piece of writing to my besty, Haley. (Thanks for reading all this while I wrote it and listening to me whine about how I can't write. I would have probably never gotten around to posting this without you. :P )**

**A/N: So yeah, I went back a while ago and read this again. I found so many mistakes. T.T Either my reviewers are really sweet people or they were so caught up on the story line, they didn't notice. Oh well, either way, I still love you reviewers out there for giving me the confidence I've never felt in myself. Thank you. So anyway, I pretty much went back and fixed all the errors, but if you notice any I missed feel free to tell me. :P (Also, italics are Kaoru's thoughts.)  
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**Emotions Kept Hidden**

Kaoru's body jolted, his heart pounding.

Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, the teen groaned and ran a hand through his ginger hair. '2:47 A.M.?" He sighed, glancing at the digital clock on the wall. Feeling the shift in Kaoru's position, the slightly older twin let out a moan of protest, from his position on Kaoru's lap. Looking down at his sleeping brother, Kaoru winced, feeling the oh-so familiar pain pierce his heart, still vivid images burning like white hot metal into his subconscious mind.

It had been happening like this for a while. The boys would fall asleep on the couch together, television still on, and for Kaoru- The nightmares would begin. Nightmares that terrified him, feeling too real and reflecting his deepest fears. Ones that caused him to cry every morning, deep shudders racking his body and sobs echoing around the room. Somehow, the younger boy always managed to leave the room before the tears set in, unnoticed by his sleeping twin.

Though the dreams weren't the same every night, they always followed one central theme. The one thing Kaoru feared the most and felt too dangerously real as it was: Hikaru leaving him. Whether it be for somebody else, for a long period of time, or even death, Kaoru still felt the same piercing agony of believing his beloved brother and unrequited lover had left him and would never return. Last night was no exception to this. The younger shuddered, starting to remember the horrific depths of his subconscious mind. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind, not wanting to think of that right now.

"Kao...Kaoru..." The elder twin moaned in his sleep, squirming in Kaoru's lap. Snuggling in closer, he brought his hands up and unintentionally brushed against Kaoru's clothed abs. Said boy shivered in reaction to feeling the extra body warmth against his skin. A gentle blush dusted the teens face, showing up dark again his previously flushed appearance. He hadn't expected his slightly older brother to moan his name in such low, rough voice. _He's talking in his sleep? _The ginger haired boy leaned in closer to his sleeping twin.

"Mm...Kao...Please...Don't..."

Kaoru couldn't remember much from his nightmare last night. But then, he never could. Just bits and pieces of everything. Slowly slipping into his conscious mind, just close enough to tease him with touches and ideas of everything before floating away, unable to register it all. "Please don't..." The voice from his dream, his very own, echoed in his mind. The boy bit his lip, trying to remember more, is eyes slowly widening. "Hikaru, please don't! Please don't leave me! If you left, I don't even know what I would do." Over and over again, those very words echoed in his mind, and images from his dream came rushing back. He remembered how how everything had felt so real, tears came to his eyes, threatening to spill over. His throat felt tight and his body numb. He was remembering it all now, how Hikaru had left him for someone else, unaware of his younger brother's love for him. How Kaoru had cried and begged, desperate to make him realize how much they loved each other. And most off all, who Hikaru had left him for: Haruhi.

Squirming under his twin's unconscious grasp, Kaoru felt the tears start falling down his face. Haruhi...He'd be lying if he said hated her. And as much as he wanted to hate her he just... couldn't. She had been their first real friend, the first to even be able to tell the twins apart. She had done a lot for the twins, helping them understand things they had never known, thanks to their secluded lifestyle. Even helping Hikaru develop more emotional depth, whether or not she was even aware of it. Kaoru had wondered many times if Hikaru still had feelings for Haruhi. _It's not like I can do anything about it if he does. Above all, if Hikaru is happy, I can pretend to be happy. _Tears started falling faster as he thought this, slipping down his face and soaking the expensive leather coach. _But does Haruhi love Hikaru? _It was hard to say, the girl rarely showed any emotional depth, let alone romantic feelings. _She has showed an interest in Tono...Right? _Tamaki, at least was sure about this, though Kaoru had never seen her show any particular interest in the Host Club king. Even so, the blond seemed to be taking less and less interest in his 'daughter', and more of an interest in a certain 'Shadow Lord'. Although, when Hikaru and Kaoru had teasingly pointed this out to Tono, he merely shouted in the melodramatic way of his that "He would never ignore his daughter and that he and 'Mommy' were spending more time together, as mommies and daddies were supposed to." Kaoru let out brief, bitter laughter, realizing that if Hikaru really were to leave him for Haruhi, there probably wouldn't be anymore 'devilish twins' let alone 'brotherly love' moments. _So if Tono wants Kyouya-senpai...That means Hikaru is free to take Haruhi?_

Needing to get up before he woke his sleeping twin, Kaoru gently tried to push Hikaru off his lap, onto the couch beneath them. With a final whimper of protest, Hikaru slid off his lap onto the cushions below. _God, that boy could sleep through a thunderstorm! _ Starting to surreptitiously tip-toe out of the room, he made his way toward the living room door.

"Kaoru...?" _Shit! Maybe he's talking in his sleep? _Praying to God he was, a sense of dread filling his body, Kaoru slowly turned to take a cursory glance. Hikaru was sitting up, his gaze sleepy and unsettled as he stared at Kaoru. He blinked a few times, swaying a bit, before he gained focus. _Damn! He's awake...I'm screwed!_

Pushing away these thoughts, the younger Hitachiin tried to look more cheerful as he murmured, "Oh, um...Hey, Hikaru...I was just-" But his tries were in vain, as tears were still falling quite obviously down his face. The older boy, fully awake now, noticed the tears and immediately stood up to comfort him. Wrapping his arms around the Kaoru's feminine waist, he nuzzled into the boys' neck and murmured:

"What's wrong, Kaoru? Another nightmare? I wish you would tell me what their about... We could talk about it. I just wanna help, ya know?" His golden eyes were full of nothing but sympathy and worry as he gazed into Kaoru's identical ones. Kaoru loved his twins eyes. So sweet, comforting and beautiful. And thought they were identical, Kaoru just couldn't see in his own eyes, the beauty his brothers had. Pulling the younger boy down on the couch, he wrapped his arms around Kaoru's waist again, this time in a more lose embrace, as he continued to gaze into his twins eyes. Willing him to tell the truth. Needing to know. "Please. Please, Kaoru. We used to tell each other everything. I used to always know why you were upset." The way Hikaru said that nearly broke his heart. Such sorrow revealed in such seemly small words. The very sadness Kaoru felt each day he spent with his brother. Words laced with such unchangeable sorrow...

"Hika, it's nothing. Honestly, I'm fine." Kaoru hated the way these lies fell so easily from his lips. He looked away, not able to gaze at his twin, and said twin had noticed. Standing up from the couch, he grabbed Hikaru's arm, pulling him up with him. _If I get away...If I just avoid everything, he might not even remember in the morning. _Praying this could be true, Kaoru preceded in pulling his twin up. "Come on Hikaru, lets just go to bed now, It's late, we should just sleep and forget about it." For a minute, the boy actually thought his twin might buy it, that he'd actually get away, but he knew he was screwed when his older brother pulled him back down again.

"Look, Kaoru. I'm not going to take that as an answer anymore. So many times Kao...So many times I've worried about you but didn't do anything about it. I'm done with this, we're done with this. Please, just talk to me...Please." Kaoru felt himself flinch. _No one_ had ever spoken to him like that before. Never in such a rough tone of voice, Hikaru was always by his side to shield him from feeling like this. But now he was causing the very pain he had always tried so hard to prevent. In a softer tone of voice, Hikaru spoke again. "Whatever it is that's bothering you, Kaoru, I'll do everything in my power to help you. I'll always be there to help you, you mean so much to me." At these words, Kaoru finally snapped. This was too much. The anger, desperation, loneliness and envy finally caused him to break. To lose control.

"How can you say that! How? When you've got...Got somebody else!" Kaoru's voice didn't hold the young innocence it did in their 'Brotherly Love' acts or of when he was with Hikaru. No, this was pure venom. All the emotions kept hidden for so long, leaked out, his voice bitter and upset. Hikaru's eyes widened in surprise at the sudden outburst, not expecting his usually calm, sweet twin to sound so...violent. Several seconds passed as Hikaru sat watching the younger boy with wide eyes. Then, as though he were gaining his composer, he murmured:

"Kao, Your not making any sense. You must really be really feel bad. Your right," he gently grasped his brother's hand, making a move to get up. "Come on, lets go to bed now." Kaoru knew it was pointless just to go to bed now. After his violent outburst, there was no way his brother would forget everything, not after that.

"No." The word was sharp, unaccompanied by any other word...echoing gently...

"Kao-"

"Hikaru, I said no. Your not even listening to me! But whatever! It's not like it even matters anymore. You...You've got her don't you?" The tears that had so recently stopped running started again at the words left his lips. The confusion and hurt that was evident on Hikaru's face was enough to make Kaoru feel bad about snapping at him. Then the older boy's expression changed to one of deep surprise and regret as he finally realized it.

"Kao...Kaoru, you can't-you don't mean Haruhi, do you?" Kaoru flinched as her heard her name being spoken and he knew his brother had noticed. Bringing his knees up to his chest, he curled up in a ball, not even trying to contain his sobs any more. As they echoed dimly around the room, Hikaru watched him with eyes wide in amazement, trying to form the words to comfort his little brother. Finally, unable to do much else, he brought his hand up to lay comfortingly on Kaoru. The boy shivered in reaction to the unexpected contact. "Kaoru...I just really don't understand. You know I don't understand this...this emotional stuff very well. But I do know it hurts me to see you this way and it hurts even more to know that I can't do anything to help you!" Kaoru lifted his head, gazing at his twin and Hikaru found him self captivated in his little brother's eyes, glistening with not yet fallen tears, the golden orbs illuminated with despair and sadness. Seeing Kaoru like that silenced any thoughts or actions, unsure of whether he could say anything if he tried.

"Hikaru...Please, don't say tha-" The boy's words were cut off when he felt his older brother's tight grasp around his waist, pulling him on top of his lap and into a firm, comforting hug. Hikaru held his baby brother against his chest, feeling him grasp his shirt in a sense of security. Kaoru buried his face into Hikaru's chest, calming down a bit from being with the one who comforted him. But deep shudders still racked his body and the older boy could feel his body shaking against him, breaking his heart. He began to rub Kaoru's back in slow, soothing circles, trying to calm him down.

"Shh...Kao. It's okay, calm down. Take deep breaths...Yes, just like that..." When the boy had finally been able to calm down, he looked physically and emotionally drained. Hikaru felt terrible about having to press the matter, but they had to sort this out. No more running from their emotions. "Kaoru, please look at me." His voice was soft and gentle, knowing that Kaoru wasn't stable right now and he looked up eyes still tear filled and waiting. "Kaoru, listen, what is this all about Haruhi? What has you so upset? I need to know Kao, please..." His voice pleading and his voice kind and gentle.

"Hikaru...I...It's just...I know things have been off with us and it's because, well..." At this point, the boy looked down, unable to look at his twin, "I know you have feelings for Haruhi." The words had seemed to have come out on their own, the very words Kaoru had always wanted to say but never had the courage to admit out loud. Suddenly the room seemed a lot smaller and the younger twin found himself feeling very dizzy. His throat felt tight and his chest heavy, unable to hear anything but his pounding heart. This was it, the truth Kaoru had tried to deny was finally out. Risking a glance into his twins eyes, he saw many emotions present there, each seeming more real than the last: Sadness, realization, pity, confusion and...love? _Oh, God... _Kaoru could feel his heart beating frantically as he waited for his brothers answer.

Hikaru sat still for what felt like, for Kaoru, an agonizingly long time before he finally spoke. "Haruhi? Wait, what? Feelings for her? I don-"

"Don't lie to me! I'm your brother- Your twin, you don't think I can tell? I see the way you look at her...I know that look.." Kaoru looked away as he said these words, unable to gaze at his brother. The last few words of his sentence came out in a whisper, and if the silence hadn't been so deafening, he wouldn't have even heard him. For a few seconds Hikaru and Kaoru sat still, letting the words set in, the tension building. Gold met gold as they stared into each others eyes, unsure of what to say. After everything had seemed to sink in a bit, Hikaru finally spoke.

"Okay Kaoru, fine. I do have feelings for Haruhi, I love her." Kaoru's grasp on his twins shirt loosened as he made a move to get up. _Hikaru loves Haruhi...He loves her. There's nothing I can do to change anything... _The words echoed over and over again as the realization hit him. His heart pounding, he suddenly felt as though he were going to puke. He had known all along, of Hikaru's love for another, but somehow hearing it spoken aloud made it seem so much more real. Staring into his brother's golden tear-filled orbs , Hikaru felt his muscles tense. Realizing he was trying to get up, the older boy placed his hands on his little brother's hips, holding him down. Said boy let out a cry of protest, trying to squirm away, only calming when his older brother placed a hand on his face tilting the boy's head so they meet each others eyes. "You didn't let me finish. I do love Haruhi. But not in the same way that I love you."

Dazed and caught in his brother's embrace, he found himself enraptured in Hikaru's gaze. With a look of deep annoyance, he realized that a heat had risen to his face. _Damn! I shouldn't be blushing! After all, we're so close...He tells me he loves me all the time! _But even as he reasoned with himself, he couldn't stop his pounding heart...

"Kaoru...I don't feel that way about Haruhi. Sure we're close but...It's not like that. I was confused at first. I mean, how am I supposed to feel? She's my first female friend- Our first female friend. She changed everything. She made me realize things I never wanted to face. Things about myself, everyone around me. I didn't know how to react to all this! To what I feel when I'm with her..." Kaoru's gaze dropped as the tears set in again. As if it weren't bad enough being rejected, but going into detail almost felt like Hikaru were only pouring salt on the wound. The older boy then brought one hand up to tilt his baby brother's gaze back to him. "And to how incredibly different it is to being with you."

The younger boy was in no state to speak, but merely stared at his brother trying to find his voice. If the situation had been different, Kaoru probably would have laughed at his brother's attempt to convey everything in words. Hikaru had always been impulsive and understood actions far better than words.

His hand was still cupping his little brother's chin starring into the others' eyes, his grip firm enough to keep their eyes locked on one another. Kaoru shivered, feeling his brother's gaze search his eyes, it was almost as if he were looking into his innermost thoughts. Hikaru pulled Kaoru in tighter, leaning in so their faces were mere inches apart. The feeling of Hikaru's breath on his face was soothing yet strangely intimate. Kaoru would have blushed more if he could have. Before he could even register what was happening, he heard himself softly calling out his lover's name. "Hika-"

It wasn't in question, odd that Kaoru hadn't finished whispering out his brother's name, he was after all, nervous and very tired, his mind in shock. It was however, interesting how Hikaru had quieted him down. Hikaru had kissed him.

Kaoru was having trouble processing what was happening. He hadn't shared many kisses in his sixteen years of life. He had kissed Haruhi a few times, teasing Tamaki and laughing at his reaction, and had even kissed Tono himself a few times trying to get a reaction from Kyouya. But this..._This_ was completely different. It wasn't like the teasing, forceful nature of when Hikaru was 'playing seme'. This was soft and gentle, but still firm enough to keep the two connected. Kaoru knew his brother was trying to be really gentle with him, knowing he was in an emotional state. He was doing it only for Kaoru, even when he was battling his impulse to be more rough with him. Kaoru was in turn, extremely grateful for this.

After Kaoru had gotten over the initial shock, he pulled Hikaru in closer by his shirt, his heart skipping a beat. Hikaru smirked against his lips and pulled Kaoru's chest up against his own, feeling the younger boy's heart beating rapidly. Relaxing into the kiss, Kaoru brought his hands up slowly, running his fingers through his brother's ginger hair, feeling the older boy shiver in response and break the kiss. Kaoru suppressed a whimper of protest, realizing his brother was trying to catch his breath. Silence filled the room and Kaoru tensed when he felt Hikaru lean in closer to give him a gentle kiss on the cheek. Bringing a hand up to caress his little brother's neck, they stayed that way, lips millimeters apart.

"I'm so stupid. So, so stupid, Kaoru. I felt the tension between us. I knew something was wrong. I just...I just didn't want to start believing you...you might...feel the-the same way as I do." Hikaru was trying to handle everything, he really was. But Kaoru just couldn't stop the small giggle that slipped out when his brother stuttered. A gentle blush adorning his face, barely noticeable in the dim lighting as her murmured. "Kaoru; Do you...I mean..love me?"

At a loss for, Kaoru sat still when the inevitable question was asked. _Should I tell him? I returned the kiss, right? So I can't really pretend like I hadn't wanted it. If I don't say anything he'll find out. But if I lie he'll also know, we always know when we're lying to each other. But should I even want to lie? Wouldn't it just be better to let the truth be known? _Caught in a mass of emotions, he gazed into his brothers identical golden eyes, hoping it would be enough to say what words just couldn't. When Hikaru made a move to say something, Kaoru unintentionally cut him off.

"Is it wrong? Everything I've felt, is it all wrong? How can something so pure and right be looked so down upon? Is it true? Am I disgusting just because society says I shouldn't feel the way I feel about you? Am I a terrible person just for loving you?" It wasn't so much that he was asking questions, more like voicing all his despair. And his words cut Hikaru deeply, causing him to quickly reply.

Brushing away a tear from his cheek, with his thumb, Hikaru leaned in closer and murmured. "If your wrong or terrible, I am too. We both are, our whole relationship is! I'm in love with you Kaoru and I don't give a damn what everyone else thinks. I've loved you in more than just brotherly way for as long as I can remember. Haruhi...She's sweet but I don't feel that way about her. She's just my distraction from you. But I realize now that if it isn't you I'm with, I don't want anyone else. I want you and only you." Placing a chaste kiss on the side of his mouth, Hikaru confessed the very words Kaoru had wanted nothing more than to hear in his entire life. Too emotionally moved to say anything else, Kaoru wrapped his arms around his brothers chest and cried.

Never before had they been so emotionally connected, and no other words needed to be said. Hikaru was holding Kaoru, giving him light kisses trying to help him to stop crying and Kaoru feeling dizzy with love for Hikaru. Both boys new how the other felt and they never wanted to forget this. The day of their realization of their love for one another.

_And at 3:27 A.M, I feel asleep in my onii-chan's arms, feeling as though I would never be happier in my life. But not before I felt him rub my hair and whisper those three beautiful words... "I love you"._

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**Sadly, It took me like, 3 months to write that. Yes, I know that's kinda pathetic. Hehe...If you read this far, I sincerely thank you. :) I really did try my best and I hope it shows. But hey, It can't be too bad for my first, right? Yes, I know they were out of character and looking back now, I wish I would have fixed it. But in all honesty, I already had about 3/4's of it done before I even noticed it so I was pretty much didn't know how to fix it at that point. So anyway, thanks again and please review so I can know what to do to make my writing better in the future. :) I hope you enjoyed. **


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